Mistress Penny's Slave Training
This article is for people to learn more about a type of relationship known as Bondage and Domination. BDSM.
I am writing this from the experiences of others and from my own lifestyle.
This is by no means an endorsement of this lifestyle,but it suits me and my partner/slave.
It is meant as a guide to those who seek a greater understanding, or who are interested, but don’t know how to start.
The usage of “him” and “her” are from my own experience.
Do not take it to mean the female must be dominant every time.
There are many successful B&D relationships where the male is the Dominant, or in same sex relationships where one is dominant and the other submissive regardless of gender.
Introduction- Bondage and Domination (B&D) is an alternative relationship in which a Master/Mistress or Dom controls the actions, emotions, and will of the slave, or submissive, often referred to as “sub /slave".
B&D does not necessarily refer to the sex act itself. B&D is more akin to a seduction.
The Master/Mistress seduces the slave with their power; the slave seduces the Master or Mistress with their willingness and servitude.
Sex may occur in the relationship, but in this Guide, we are discussing the lifestyle, not sexual practice. “Slave” and “sub”, as well as “Master/Mistress” and “Dom” are not directly interchangeable titles.
The differences will be gone into later in this guide. A B&D relationship consists of two people who are mutually consenting adults who agree on a direction for their relationship.
They agree that one of the partners will take the dominant, controlling role, and the other partner, the submissive, controlled role. Just like in any other relationship, it is a two way street, though to outsiders, it may not seem so.
The Master or Mistress relies on the slave as much as the slave relies on the Master or Mistress.
They are dependent on each other to satisfy their own needs. Each partner has different needs, as defined by their role as Dom or sub, but each is satisfied, though in different ways. Each couple will have their own set of agreements and rules.
This Guide talks about ours, but every B&D relationship is different. However, there are some basic rules that are universal.
Chapter 1 --
Basic Definitions Bondage and Domination are not to be confused with Sadomasochism.
To make this more clear, we are including these basic definitions. Bondage A state of subjection to a force, power or influence. It comes from the Old English word bonda, which means husbandman (farmer) Dominant Exercising the most influence or control; governing.
Most prominent in position or prevalence; ascendant. Comes from Old French and Latin dominans, to dominate. Dominate To control, govern or rule by superior authority or power. Comes from Latin dominari, to rule > dominus, lord.
Humiliate To lower the pride or dignity of; mortify. Comes from Latin humiliare, humiliat-to humble > humilis, humble.
Submissive - comes from Submit. Submit To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another. To subject to a condition or process.
To yield to the opinion or authority of another; give in.
To allow oneself to be subjected; acquiesce.
Comes from Middle English submitten > Latin submittere, to set under: sub-under + mittere-to cause to go. Sadism The perversion of deriving sexual satisfaction from the infliction of pain on others.
Delight in cruelty. Extreme cruelty. Comes from Comte Donatien de Sade (1740-1814) Masochism An abnormal condition in which sexual excitement and satisfaction depend largely on being subjected to abuse or physical pain, whether by oneself or another. Comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, Austrian novelist (1836-1895) Sadomasochism The perversion of taking pleasure, especially sexual gratification from simultaneous sadism and masochism.
If you ignore the terms “perversion”, and “abnormal” in the above definitions, you can still see that nowhere in the definition of dominate or submit do you have pain as an integral part. However, in Sadomasochism, the pain is the pleasure.
In B&D, pain is a tool for correcting improper actions by the sub. In B&D, no actual injury occurs, or should occur.
In Sadomasochism, or S&M, there is usually no such barrier. A spanking in B&D for the purpose of correction would become a flogging primarily for the purpose of pain for sexual delight in S&M.
It is a difference in gradients and intent. In B&D, the Dom rarely, if ever, punishes the slave for the sake of punishment alone. S&M, however, revolves around the act.
We are not saying that S&M is wrong, bad or undesirable.
It is just a much higher gradient than B&D, and may be too intense for the beginner. Some people may confuse heavy B&D with S&M. They are two very different things.
Chapter 2 -- The Players Although it may seem through outward appearances that all the power in the relationship flows from the Dominant to the sub or slave, this is somewhat misleading.
The players in a B&D relationship, no matter which side they are on, are equals to a certain degree. Both sides have power, but in different ways.
The Dominant may have ultimate authority, but the sub is the one who initiates most actions.
To prevent any misunderstanding between players, they should understand the difference between a Dom and a Master/Mistress, and a submissive and a sub.
The Dominant, or Dom/Dominatrix Many inexperienced Dominants believe that all that is required is simply ordering your sub around as you choose.
It’s not. There’s much more to be said about what being a good Dominant requires”Domination is not just giving random orders.
A good Dominant will find a way to cause the sub to desire pleasing the Dom.
A Dom, or Dominant, is the protector, teacher to the sub. As the teacher, the Dom must be wise and, above all, right.
The Dom should not arbitrarily punish the sub on a whim. There must be a reason.
To do otherwise will break down the trust and security of the sub.
The Dom has to be respected by the sub. Respect is a quality that is earned by the Dom being right, and issuing swift, correct justice and reward to the sub.
The Dom is not there to inflict pain and degradation on the sub, but to give the sub a goal and a direction on how to please him/her.
The Master/Mistress The Master/Mistress is a higher gradient of control in B&D. The Master/Mistress follows the same rules as a Dominant, but in a stricter sense.
The Master/Mistress has a slave, not a sub.
The slave is owned or “collared” by the Master/Mistress. The Master/Mistress considers the slave a possession, but a highly valuable and loved one, the most valuable thing they own.
Offenses against the rules laid out by the Master/Mistress are dealt with more severely, in most circumstances.
Still, the Master/Mistress, when pleased, flows great love and caring to their slave.
The Master/Mistress is also more protective of the slave because the slave is totally dependent on the Master/Mistress.
The Submissive, or sub to be sure, the slave serves; the Master/Mistress receives.
But that does not mean that the slave has no sense of self, or self-worth. Her/His needs are real, and should leave a relationship where needs are not met.
The role of the submissive appears to be somewhat simpler, but in actuality, the sub plays a large role in shaping the B&D relationship.
The sub’s primary role is to follow the Dom’s directions and to please the Dom. Being submissive does not mean that the sub is a doormat for the Dom. The sub is the Dom’s companion, a student, and possibly a lover.
As a companion, the sub is treated with respect and dignity, is allowed to voice opinions, and allowed to share in the Dom’s activities.
This is the area where the sub is the most equal with the Dom. As a student, the sub learns how to please the Dom, and when done, expects to be rewarded by the Dom. Likewise, when not done or done incorrectly, the sub expects to be corrected and shown the right way to act.
As a lover, the sub goes out of the way to please the Dom because they genuinely care.
The sub does this, not out of fear of pain or retribution, but because they want to give the Dom pleasure.
The sub does not want the Dom to be disappointed.
The sub takes pleasure from the fact that the Dom is pleased.
The Slave The slave is a higher gradient of submissiveness in B&D.
The slave’s primary purpose in life is to serve the needs and desires of the Master/Mistress.
The slave relinquishes all control to the Master/Mistress, because the slave knows the Master/Mistress has their well-being totally at heart.
The slave is marked by her Master/Mistress in some fashion to show ownership.
The Master/Mistress slave relationship tends to be more of a lifetime commitment to each other than a typical Dom/sub relationship.
The slave is held to a higher standard of conduct and compliance than a typical sub, due to the fact that the slave has given control of their life to the Master or Mistress.
Chapter 3 --
Bondage and Domination Rules Note: In this chapter, and henceforth,
I will be referring to Masters/Mistress and Dom's as Dom's.
Likewise, slaves and subs will be called subs. In order for any venture to be successful, there must be basic guidelines.
Understand that every situation is different, and no two B&D relationships are the same.
Nevertheless, basic agreements exists, or else you go outside the boundaries of what is considered a B&D relationship.
Every couple will have their own set of agreements, however, I feel there are some that are universal. No actual injury should occur to the sub.
That does not suggest that spankings, discipline and correction do not occur, they just are not calculated to produce real injury, either to body or mind.
In B&D, pain is sometimes used to correct behavior.
It is not the central focus of the relationship. Pre-agreed limits.
It is simply an agreement on what the Dom and sub will and will not do.
These limits are different for all couples.
A pre-agreed limit is simply the boundaries established by the relationship.
As an example, we have an agreement on not bringing in outside people to our bedroom.
It is important to discuss honestly with each other what your personal limits are before beginning a B&D relationship.
These are lines that are not crossed without at least some discussion beforehand. These boundaries do change with time as the relationship progresses.
The sub should have a “safe word”, or something they can say to halt the present time activity.
The safe word is a word that is understood by both parties to mean that action needs to stop.
It could be that the sub is in great pain, or the Dom wants to clarify a situation outside of the action he is engaged in.
Usually, it is that a line is being crossed that was not discussed in the pre-agreed limits, but just now came up. B&D is supposed to be enjoyed by both parties.
Limits and safe words are type of guarantee that things don’t get out of control on either side.
If a Dom decides that a nice caning would be needed, and the sub has a major problem with it, the safe word would be used here to ensure the Dom does not misunderstand the sub.
This does not mean the caning would not occur, it means the Dom would have the opportunity to consider the opinion of the sub before continuing.
Communication between the Dom and sub is crucial to a successful B&D relationship.
The sub must be willing to talk about her/his feelings and the Dom must be receptive. The Dom also must be conscious of the non-verbal cues the sub gives.
For a satisfying B&D relationship, it helps to have an underlying affinity for the other partner.
The Dom is attempting to perfect his sub to his ideal of what the sub should be.
The sub must want that goal, too. If either of these points does not exist, the B&D can degrade into an abusive relationship, or the partners go off, dissatisfied. B&D is for the mutual enjoyment of both partners.
Limits and safe words assist in ensuring both parties experience pleasure, and neither gives up all control.
Over time the use of safe words and limits may diminish, however many couples in a long term relationship still use them.
Chapter 4 --
Reward and Punishment This point is where many B&D relationships fall to pieces.
Over punishment for minor infractions, non-acknowledged good deeds, and ignoring blatant wrong action cause the affinity in the relationship to break down.
The roles of both Dom and sub are fairly rigid; the duties of both well understood. When a Dom doesn’t punish major infractions, or ignores correct action by his/her sub, the agreements made at the beginning of the relationship are broken.
It is here that a Dom shows their true colours. At the beginning of a B&D relationship, the Dom and sub may agree on a long list of correct and incorrect actions, but if the Dom does not remember them, the sub is “getting one over” on the Dom, and in the process, is losing respect of their power.
It would be better to have only a few rules at the start, then as time progresses, expand them as the relationship grows. Over correcting is also poor.
If the Dom is cruel or vicious, the sub will only do what is required out of fear of punishment.
Over time, the sub will have no desire to please the Dom, and the Dom will suddenly realise that they have no real control over the sub. Punishment is a tool to correct wrong or no action by the sub.
IT SHOULD NEVER BE DONE IN ANGER! This is a very important point.
When you punish in anger, real injury can occur, safe words are nullified, and limits do not exist.
This is a very dangerous situation.
The Dom who punishes in anger is moving into the area of abuse.
In B&D, the Dom cares about the feelings of the sub.
It is very difficult to have empathy when you are angry. Pain is not the end all and be all of a B&D relationship.
It is just one more tool at the disposal of the Dom to guarantee his rules are complied with.
Punishment does not even have to include pain.
Movement restrictive bondage, humiliation, harsh words, or even a look can punish the sub. Privileges can be removed such as not being allowed to sit on the furniture, or by the Dom forcing the sub to sleep at the foot of the bed.
There are many ways to punish incorrect actions. Save the severe stuff for major infractions.
If you beat a dog every day, all you get is an angry, uncontrollable dog.
The same goes for a sub, and an angry sub is much more hazardous than an angry dog.
Punishment is always followed by reward when the sub corrects the infraction.
The sub must be allowed to make up the damage, and then it is forgiven.
Rewards show the sub that the Dom is pleased.
It is a tangible show of love and caring from the Dom to the sub for a correct action. This is the true power of the Dom.
Rewards given to the sub shows that the Dom is thinking of them, and cares for their well being.
It acknowledges their proper behavior and reinforces it.
This is how the Dom creates in the sub the willingness to please him. A happy sub will do anything to ensure the happiness of the Dom, and will avoid actions that disappoint.
Chapter 5 --
Bondage Bondage is a tool used by the Dom to restrict the movement of, or to immobilize the sub. Binding is normally used for correction, but can be used for pleasure, depending on the particular B&D relationship.
During bondage, the Dom has complete control over the sub, but this depends on the type of binding used.
There are a variety of restraints you can purchase from my site.
Each one has its own use and purpose.
Regardless of the style of restraint, they should all be somewhat comfortable to wear
but restrictive, and should not cut off blood circulation.
If the sub is extremely uncomfortable, they will have attention on their body and not fully on the Dom. During bondage, the Dom has almost complete control of the sub’s body, and can use the time for instruction, punishment, teasing, or can bring the sub to orgasm at the Dom’s wishes.
In order to be bound, there has to be a deep level of trust by the sub for the Dom. It is at this time more than any other that the Dom needs to be very perceptive of the cues the sub will give. When a sub is bound, the chance for injury jumps drastically, and the sub is not in a position to defend or assist them self. It is an act of total submission to allow yourself to be bound, and the sub is trusting the Dom to do the right thing. Therefore, the Dom must be in complete control of themselves’ when handling a bound sub. Drinking or taking drugs before bondage is not recommended. Ropes Rope bondage is the most common. This includes rope, scarves, neckties, belts, or any other multi-purpose item used to restrain the sub. Usually, the hands are bound to each other, but they can be bound to the thighs, waist, behind the back, or above the head. The sub can also be bound to another object such as a chair, shower curtain rod, hook in the ceiling, and many other places where you can tie off a rope. The feet can also be bound together, or apart.Care must be taken with rope. It is very easy to cut off circulation, or cause rope burns. Use a soft, large diameter rope, such as nautical rope. Check your sub frequently. The more the sub struggles, the tighter the rope becomes.
Straps Normally, these are special items made from leather. These are items that go a step beyond mere binding of hands or feet.
They are much more difficult to get out of, and are more restrictive.
One example is a setup that goes around the neck and waist, and binds both hands closely behind the back of the sub.
Used with ankle restraints, the sub is almost completely immobilized.
Some strap items bind the wrists to the thighs, or to the ankles. Strap bondage items tend to be for a single purpose.
Cuffs Cuffs are mainly used for wrist and arm restraint. When referring to leg and ankle restraint, they are normally called shackles.
They can be made from many different materials, from nylon with Velcro closings, to leather, to metal.
Care must be taken in using cuffs since a tight fit can cut off circulation.
Cuffs can be used to bind the hands to the sub’s waist, ankles, thighs, or to other objects.
I do not recommend police-style handcuffs for bondage. They do hurt, and can cause skin and tendon damage.
Use a wrist strap device made for the purpose.
Chains Since chains can cause injury to the skin, they are normally used to support cuffs, or to hold up a suspension device.
However, some Dom's use chain directly on the skin because it will not tighten accidentally.
Choose a smooth, finished chain, and use quick- release clasps.
Suspension Devices Suspension devices are used to raise the sub off the floor.
These devices are more advanced, and are best left alone if you are inexperienced.Specialty Items These items include padded boards, gymnastic horses, racks, crosses, benches, stocks, and many other items.
These items are expensive and normally take up large amounts of space. Before purchasing these, make sure you have room for them in your home.
They are also advanced bondage items. For the beginner, I would suggest using what you have in the house. Gym equipment, the dining room table, chairs, shower curtain rods, placing a hook above the door frame, or a four poster bed work very well for training purposes.
A Dom does not need a fully equipped dungeon to properly train a submissive.
As you acquire more specialized bondage items over time, remember to inspect the item carefully before placing it on your sub.
If the item is frayed, cut, or has broken clasps, throw it away. It is dangerous to use damaged items.
At best, it is an unnecessary interruption of play.
At worst, your sub could be injured.
These are the Dom’s tools. Keep them in working order.
Chapter 6 -- Training Items There are many types of training items. Usually, they are used for punishment, but, when used gently, can be very erotic. These items should serve no other purpose than for the administration of discipline.
They are symbols of power and authority for the Dom.
They must be treated with care and respect. Do not wield an item unless you are prepared to use it.
They should instill awe in the sub, and effect an immediate change in their attitude.
There is tangible evidence of the Dom’s role as the administrator of justice to the sub.
Therefore, they should not be overused or misused. Belts can be used to discipline the sub.
Folded in half, they are very effective for spanking.
It is easy to get out of control with a belt, though, inflicting more pain than is necessary. Of course, the intensity of pain is at the discretion of the couple.
Riding crops are also very effective.
The head of the crop, run up the inside of the sub’s thighs, is very erotic, and a strike from the crop is quite impinging on the sub.
Flails are items that have many long thin straps attached to a handle.
They can actually break the skin if wielded too strongly, but with a light or medium touch, can get your sub’s attention quickly.
They cover a larger area of skin, giving many defined areas of pain. Paddles come in all shapes and sizes. They are used for spanking large areas.
These items should be used for higher gradients of discipline, since they do cause higher degrees of pain than the flat of your palm, and can cause injury if not used with caution.
An inexperienced Dom should use the item on them self before using them on the sub.
This way, the Dom will get an accurate estimate on the amount of force needed with each item to produce the desired effect.
There are also items like gags, ball gags, and face masks.
I do not suggest that the beginner utilize those items. When gagged, the sub will have a difficult time getting a safe word out, and may be injured inadvertently. -
Chapter 7 -- Training Techniques Respect for the sub is very important in this phase. As a Dom, you are attempting to bring out the best in your sub, not break their spirit and turn them into a robot.
Even in training, there are certain guidelines that are useful. Never strike a sub in the face.
A light to medium open-hand slap is normally sufficient to handle the job.
You can also place your hands on the sub’s face to make them look at you.
Never break skin on purpose. If you do, handle it immediately after punishment is finished.
Soothe the scrapes with lotion, talking softly and gently to your sub.
Never leave a bound sub unattended. Accidents can happen, and the sub is in no position to assist themselves.
Never discipline in anger.
That has been covered earlier. Never discipline under the influence of drugs or alcohol. This goes for the sub as well as the Dom.
Always explain why the discipline is occurring to the sub. Discipline must occur for a specific reason. To arbitrarily discipline a sub breaks down their trust in the Dom.
The punishment should fit the crime. Discipline should always be followed with forgiveness.
The infraction has been dealt with, and is in the past. As a Dom, do not hold a grudge against the sub.
There are a large number of techniques that Dom's use.
These vary from couple to couple.
When my slave has been bad, in accordance with our previous agreements, one technique I use is to bind him hands above his head, bind his feet together, and, with the flat of my hand, spank him from his shoulders to his ankles, front and back.
For my slave, this is a very effective way of getting his attention.
I find it more personal to use my hands.
However, from time to time, when he deserves it, I will bring out the more intense items. My favorite is the riding crop.
It is very intimidating, and will cause my slave to instantly change his attitude even before it is used.
Another technique I use is when my slave is turned away, or has his face down.
I will take his hair in my hand and pull backwards, bringing his face back to meet mine.
I grab as much hair as I can at once to keep from pulling it out. Again, these are techniques I use on my slave.
They work well for me.
You must learn your sub, and discover for yourself the techniques that work best. Reward is also very important.
Correct actions must be rewarded by the Dom, otherwise the sub has no incentive to obey the Dom’s instructions.
I will give my slave reward such as kissing my boots, a note left on the computer, or some free time.
The reward will depend on the sub and the action which pleases the Dom.
Once in a while, a Dom will find a sub to which a spanking is a reward. This is why the Dom must know the sub, totally. Every sub is different, just as every Dom is different.It is very difficult to give step-by-step instructions on how to discipline or reward a particular sub.
Some subs are totally submissive; others have a very strong will. My slave is a very strong-willed person, so my discipline/reward for him will be much different than yours.
In any case, the discipline is for correction, the reward is for compliance. If more correction is needed, do not hesitate in escalating your actions.
Use the amount of correction necessary to punish the infraction. Do not threaten punishment. Apply it with clinical vigour
The sub/slave will respect the Dom to a greater degree.
If the sub/slave complies above and beyond what you expected, reward him accordingly.
Mistress Penny Copyright (2016) www.strictlyleather.co.uk